you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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