you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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