i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
