yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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