I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
