dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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