No more Irish car bombs ever.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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