Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
