Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
