and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
