I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize