So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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