I've blown a few things in my day
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
