What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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