The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
FUCK WHALES
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize