I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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