bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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