Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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