i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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