Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
