someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
