i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
