Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
