What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
