Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
