the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
