That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Randomize
