I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize