I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
