i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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