Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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