she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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