Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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