I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
