Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
