If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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