i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
God I need to hump something, right now.
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