at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Who died my cat blue again?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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