I got chris browned last night
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
foreskin is a definite game changer
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
