new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
