I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize