Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
