The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
