i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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