I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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