So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
