a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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