It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You are the jesus of drinking
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
