Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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