he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
