I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
