did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
