You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
