I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
