I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
