forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize