Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
