i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
