I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
