textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
