i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
cat food counts as protein by the way
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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