forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
