i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
