When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
