I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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