My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
