i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
