Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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