I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
